The Battle at IKEA

It was tax-free weekend. A weekend many wait for; splurging on stuff they hardly need or stuff they "might" purchase in the future, all to save 5%. Granted in the end it all adds up and money is tight with all the gas, food, and utility prices going up. We hop in the car and drive down to the nearest IKEA keeping in mind that we...well more like I, do not need to buy everything I like. However, I did need a hanging shelf to put in my room and I knew just what I needed and how to do it. I have a stereo that I bought during my crazy days of youth (4 years ago) which rests on top of my desk. So i finally decided that it had to go up on the wall just so that my other junk has enough space to breathe and grow.

On the way to the shelving section I found this rug that would go perfect in our little "Hookah lounge" we added to our apartment. That way the rug that's already there can be placed in front of the front entrance so people can wipe there shoes that bring in all the dirt and filth into our humble abode. It's a brown/beige one that will match the carpet and the futon mattress (which I consider our "hookah lounge"). I'm carrying it in my hand (pretending to be Arnold in the movie Commando) while walking towards the shelves. Then out of nowhere, this random Indian guy pops out and this is how our conversation went:

Random Indian Guy: "Is that a carpet." (...at first I was gonna say "No, it is my bazooka bitch"...but that's just mean...)

ME: "Oh, it's a rug."(...thinking to myself, OK conversation over...time to move on to my shelves...leave me alone and let me think...)

Random Indian Guy: "What kind is it?" (...out of nowhere his wife and his offspring show up...and now i feel like I'm being bullied and being ganged up by his family and his 2 year old Ninja with his Spice Queen. Aside from being afraid...I was also confused by his question...how does one describe a rug. I looked at the rug and thought to myself, how would a rug describe itself...even more...how does a rug know what KIND it is...its like asking the rug to classify itself...like the race question...please check here if you're rectangle, circle, or square...or Other...what kind of a dumb question is that? Can you imagine a rug introducing him/herself..."Hi, I'm Rug Carpet...I hail from the kingdom Persia...I like to be the center of attention and I don't mind being walked on...just don't trim by hair that stick out from the sides of my square body...oh and also...I love given hickeys, more like burn marks, when people rub up against me"...)

ME: "It's a regular one...you can find it in the rug section" (...hoping to send him on his way, like a lost traveller asking for directions...a dumb question can only be greeted by a dumb answer...so now I'm looking for help...where are my fellow people...one is completely ignoring my looks, pretended to not know me, even though she was right there and had this huge grin on her face and the other comrade bolted like Usmain Bolt running the 200m cause he knew what this guy's intentions were...only cause he has personal experience with this kind of stuff...)

RIG: "Oh so are you from India" (...You've got to be kidding me...how does that even relate to the rug...now I'm stuck in this quick sand while someone was pouring cement...cant get out...what do i do...)

ME: "No, I'm from around here" (...Technically I didn't lie to this man...I am from the states...born and raised...but I knew what he meant...I just didn't want to tell him...which ill tell you why towards the end of this blog...)

RIG: "But you look Indian, your parents must be from India" (...This guy is asking for a beating now...who does he think he is...Miss Cleo?...)

ME: "Well ya, my parents are but I'm from here" (...i caved :(...)

RIG: "Oh they must be from Gujarat" (...this guy thinks he's psychic...)

ME: "Nope" (...clearly they ARE...and so AM I...but I could not let him know...otherwise I would have been there FOREVER...so I had to find an exit strategy...because my other two comrades weren't gonna help me...they were too busy having fun with this...watching me struggle talking to this guy...)

RIG: "Oh then are you from the North, South?" (...I know...he just wont give up...if I said North or the South then he would have busted out the language from that area...I barely know Gujarati properly...forget about talking in Tamil, Marathi, or Malyalum or whatever the language he would have busted out with...)

ME: "Ummm....ya...I'm from the northern westerly side of India...more like towards the middle westerly side....ummm...yaaa" (...I know I know I know...the "westerly" side of India IS Gujarat...I know...)

RIG: "So you ARE from Gujarat" (...thinking like he won a bet or something...)

ME: "Ya I guess so..."(...then all of a sudden his kid started crying...hahaha wohoo....thank you ninja kid...you saved me...your papa almost killed with his psychic powers...interrogating me like BATMAN...but in the end I WON...I WON the battle...well technically I lost...but still...home free...now I walk away and grab my phone from my pocket pretending to talk to someone about something....play over...the END!...)

So now you're wondering why didn't I just answer him truthfully in the first place. Well, it's cause if you tell them everything and answer there questions, then they'll ask for your number...and then you have to give them that as well cause that's just how it goes. Im weak...sorry. And then once they have your number...they keep calling you about business opportunities that they would like to get into and wonder if I would like to help financially and also cause im a US citizen. They do this...yes they do...if you dont believe me...just spend a day at the Cambridge Side Galleria Mall...spend about an hour...and you'll be approached by Krishna...the dude that works the mall area. I didn't know this guy made a business out of it...maybe this IKEA guy was Krishna's recruit. But I swear..it has happened to me before...and believe it or not...I made the mistake of giving my number...(about two years ago)...and the dude STILL calls me to this day. True Story.



Question to Ponder: How to be productive this weekend so I dont feel lazy on Monday?