The Society Dictates

Not saying the I regret everything that I did in the past, but there are certain events, decisions, and judgements I regret making. But because its in the past now, I cant really do anything about it. It doesn't mean that I don't think about it. Yes, every thing that happens in the past was meant to be and will lead to something better, but we as humans can't always have that mentality. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being bitter or dwelling on the past, but sometimes I wish I had done things differently.

As events unfold in the present, I can't help but think that maybe these certain events would have happened differently you know? I understand I'm just babbling. For example, career choice. I'm happy that I did what I did in college, but maybe if I had pushed myself a little harder, pushed myself to think about the future, then I wouldn't be in the position that I am. Maybe if I had been more confident and open during college, I could've known more people and maybe, just maybe would have been dating someone. No no, this is not about me dating someone right now or anything like that. It's just that because I'm 26 (I know I have time, I know that I'm young), I could have had someone stable. Only cause the Indian community makes me feel old, they dictate that I should be with someone, if not I'm old and not worth being with. 

What sucks in our Indian community is that even the littlest thing dictate our lives. Yes you wouldn't believe it, the caste of religion, the last name, the town your parents are from...all that matters in my community. Yes it's retarded, but thats what Society says, thats how it has to be done. When I was in high school, I had a crush on this girl, she was beautiful, funny and just had a great personality, but I couldn't make a move because my parents would never accept that. And the way I lived life is that the woman I date, is the woman I want to be with forever. There's nothing wrong with dating, but I just wanted to date someone who I could see myself be with for a long time. And I got the opportunity twice, and I have no regrets. I have learned and become stronger, mature, and wiser from both the relationships. Both ended in the not so greatest way, and it does break my heart. The first woman is married now, and the second is on her way to that step. And I am very happy for them.

Many who know me know that I cannot see through my left eye because of an unfortunate accident I had when I was four years old. And I'm over it, I've approached life so people wouldn't see me differently. I didn't want handouts, and I certainly did not want people to be sorry for me. My parents made sure to treat me like a normal kid so I wouldn't dwell on this. And yes, word did travel through our indian community. For a long time, and even to some people today, I am that kid who cant see in my left eye. So, now...when my parents are helping me find a spouse through the indian community, many of them will say no just because of my left eye (yes very shallow and I shouldn't be with people like that). But again, what if that didn't happen? My parents wouldn't be so worried about me finding someone. I wouldn't be so conscience when taking pictures, in fact, I'd be in a lot more pictures :). Being blind in my left eye has scarred me physically, but now even mentally. But I blame anyone; I mean I understand that every parent wants their child to be with someone who is in tact. And let's be realistic, physical attraction is very important in the beginning. Looks do go away, so yes to find someone based on personality is important. But how can you approach someone and get to know their personality without being physically attracted to them. I hope I'm making sense.

I guess what really bugs me is that I have to limit the people who I can be with. Love happens at any time with any person. But to live life with restrictions is not living life at all. We should be able to love and be with anyone we want. Why the limits? Why the restrictions? It all comes down to what society says really. And it sucks, but thats how it's done. I've accepted the fact that what's its going to be like up until I finally do find someone. Yes there are some who not so shallow and who can see beyond that, but where are they? If you're reading this, please contact me :).

I feel there are two things that are running against me from time to time...my eye and my last name. The people in my community know me for my accident and sometimes say no or feel sorry for me, and the people not directly related to my community say no cause we don't have the same last name. But hell with that, I am who I am. I am proud of what I did in my past. I became an Electrical Engineer. Although at times I may look lazy, but I have held a job ever since I was 15. I am willing to prove to any woman I am worth it. I am 26 and am soon starting my own business. I am good at what I do. I don't stop till I become the best at what I do. But those are my words; now if only I can get a chance to show that to the people who I want to be with haha.

At the end of day though, family is important. They've been their for you day in day out. Provided for you and sat by your side during the good and bad times. So I can understand why their words mean the world to them. I respect that, and I would never do anything that would make her go against her parents, but I would ask for an opportunity to show that I can be better and greater than anyone.

This is in no way a cry or some sad blog or anything. Just something I wanted to share with everyone. Don't hate me if I had offended anyone, these are just some of the things that have happened in my life. Thank you for reading.